I confess that I’m a wimp, a coward, and I don’t do well with pain. With that said, how does one navigate through life and meet all the challenges it brings?
Before COVID, I would take my wife to all my doctor appointments as she and the doc seem to talk the same language. The two of them seem overjoyed in discussing my condition, medications and how they should be administered. This foreign language they used left me abandoned in the wood pile.
Nearly 50 years ago, I had this most debilitating pain in the neck (keep your thoughts to yourself.) The agony, the torment, and the misery were more than I could bear. As you can tell, I don’t like being a complainer or one who wants a lot of sympathy.
I had never been to a chiropractor before, but it was highly recommended by a colleague that I should make an appointment. I had heard the many horror stories of how they love to grab your neck and twist it one direction, then grab hold of your jaw with one hand, while placing the other hand at the back of your head, then with a smile on their face they crank your neck in the opposite direction.
Now, in order to keep myself out of court, let me make it crystal clear: chiropractic practices have changed dramatically over 50 years. Technology and science have removed much of what I’m referring to.
Well, the appointment was made and I nervously made my way for my first visit.
The receptionist was so kind and helpful in reducing the fear that was raging through my body. The first order of business was to fill out the questionnaire. I’m sure there had to be 130 questions.
At that point I was asking myself, “which is going to hurt more, the pain I now have in my neck, or the pain inflicted by my friend, the chiropractor?”
It turned out that my view of this profession started to change. It was a great experience and I felt so much better. BUT … I haven’t told you the best part of the story.
After labouring over the 130 (?) questions, the receptionist politely asked me to turn left in the hallway and make my way to the change room to put on a blue gown. (You know the gown I’m speaking of.) Then when you’re ready, she said, go to the opposite end of the hall to the 'adjustment room.'
I found out quickly that the word 'adjustment' is quite commonly used in the world where chiropractors gather.
OK, step number one … go down the hall and put on “that gown.” After you disrobe, you have to tie the two sets of strings together which is an easy task for those who weigh no more that 120 pounds. Since I weigh 200 and PLENTY, it’s a harder row to hoe.
Finally, after much grunting and stretching to adorn this robin’s egg blue garment, my next instruction was to stroll to the opposite end of the hall to 'the room.'
Immediately, I sensed a noticeable draft making its way up my legs, and all the way up to my neck. I now know why they don’t put mirrors in those tiny change rooms.
Just picture this for a minute. Being the muscular, powerful man that you know I am, the gown left about a 12- to 14-inch gap up the back. This blue gown also looks much like a mini skirt with the hem about a foot above the knee cap.
Why do I spend so much on this mundane stuff? Well on my way to the adjustment room, I have to pass right by the reception room where there are other patients waiting their turn with the doc. This is when tiny beads of sweat started dripping freely down my whole body. What is a man to do, I ask?
You quickly turn your back to the wall and shuffle sideways with short little rapid steps. As you pass the waiting room, you sheepishly smile and give a polite wave.
At last you’ve reached your destination. The famous adjustment room.
It’s now time to take a seat in the black leather chair and await Dr. Relief’s arrival. That’s when the last piece of the puzzle was placed.
The shock of my bare butt slapping the cold leather chair awoke my senses. At the exact moment, the chiropractor enters to my howling laughter. Of course, I had to explain my outburst. I went on to tell him that I was extremely nervous as this was my first visit.
When I was instructed by the receptionist to put on the “blue gown” I just assumed I was to first take ALL my clothes off. Don’t forget, it was just my neck that was the problem.
By this time, there were two of us having a good laugh.The stroll back to the changeroom was just as awkward.
Rusty Draper is well-known by many as the long-time morning man at local radio station CFOR, as a pastor and raconteur who never misses an opportunity to chew the fat.
