It may be the equivalent of “I’m running away to join the circus,” but some Americans want to move to Canada.
Those would be some of the folks who, like me, are still reeling from the outcome of the U.S. presidential election. I am not exaggerating when I say I felt physically ill when almost the entire country went red in favour of Donald Trump.
As I have expressed previously, I will just never understand, knowing everything we know about this guy, how anyone could support him.
But, face it we must.
A huge majority of voters have put him back in office for another four years. We have to accept it, but we don’t have to like it.
Having said that, there have been a lot of people who have a lot of fear and anxiety about what is to come. Some have publicly said they need to move and Canada seems like a good destination.
Without discussing how that would even work or if they’d be eligible, I just thought I might offer some education about what would be facing an American in Canada and also what would be expected.
At the border, while this is not a requirement, you should surrender all weapons. I know you don’t have to, but we don’t hold our guns to our bosoms like most Americans seem to. You’re going to have to use your words to settle differences.
Once you have cleared customs, go immediately to the first Tim Hortons you see. This is a hard and fast rule.
I know some states have Tim Hortons, but it’s not the same and it’s not as good. I don’t know why it’s different; it just is. Grab yourself a double double and settle in for a bit of schooling.
You may need to acquaint yourself with poutine. This is a Canadian delicacy, originating from Quebec, which includes french fries topped with cheese curds and brown gravy.
Also check out Beaver Tails, which is a fried dough pastry pulled to be long like a beaver’s tail. It’s then topped with sugar, cinnamon, whipped cream and whatever else you can pile on.
Please practise your apologies. You will be expected to say “I’m sorry” for both large and small transgressions, including but not limited to walking through a door first, bumping into someone and interrupting someone else who is speaking.
Expect a little dance. Suppose you are going down an aisle of a store and someone comes toward you.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t see you.”
“No, I’m sorry. It was my fault. I wasn’t paying attention.”
“Well, I’m sorry for being in your way.”
“No worries. No need to be sorry.”
“Well, sorry anyway.”
In a car, other drivers will usually allow you to merge into their lane. If they accidentally did not, you can expect a hand gesture. No, not that one. It’s more likely you’ll meet up down the road and the universal hand wave and smile while mouthing “sorry.”
You will have to change when you celebrate Thanksgiving. Canada really has the better idea about this, frankly. We celebrate it in October, when harvest is most plentiful and the colours are vibrant. It also separates two giant feasts by several weeks, whereas American Thanksgiving is way too close to Christmas. We still get the turkey coma, but it’s just not back-to-back.
You may have to temper your love for football and add in a love for hockey. It’s not a necessity, but I think it’s sort of expected.
But back to elections. Whereas you seem to be constantly and consistently talking about voting, it’s not like that in Canada.
When we vote for our country’s leader (prime minister), we have a very brief window of hearing and seeing all those election ads. Our next one will be on or before Oct. 20, 2025. The campaign has to be no shorter than 37 days and no more than 51 days, according to Elections Canada. It’s always on a Monday.
While we have several political parties — Liberal, Conservative, NDP, Bloc Québécois and the Greens — and lots of varying opinions, it all remains pretty calm. You may even enjoy the civility of it all. Once it’s over, we gripe a little bit, but then we move on.
For any Americans who feel depressed, scared, threatened or unsure of what may happen under another Trump presidency, just remember you’ve got a friend in us. And I truly am sorry for your pain.
