More than two decades have passed since Sept. 11, 2001 — one of the darkest days in North America — but Tyler Shepperdson continues to feel the impact from the terrorist attacks every day.
On that fateful fall morning, Shepperdson was working as a general labourer at Cable Recycling Barrie Metals.
“When the planes flew into the twin towers, my foreman walked by me hastily and said 'Stand ready, everybody is probably going home shortly,'” Shepperdson recalled. “I was curious, so I trailed behind him to ask what was going on, and he said 'We are under attack.'”
Shepperdson, a North York native, remembers how everything felt that day he described as “quiet” and “still.”
“It concerned me immediately,” he said. “I didn’t know at the time that it was my calling per se, but from that day forward I meticulously and almost religiously followed the story.”
Every morning from that day forward, Shepperdson’s routine included going to the corner store to grab a newspaper that he would devour once he arrived to work.
“I would share what was happening on that particular day with everybody that I worked with,” he said. “It became a part of my spirit in a sense, and it was attaching itself directly to my soul. It was becoming very personal and overwhelming in my everyday thoughts and outlook.”
The newspaper images of firefighters, police officers, mothers, fathers, and children in distress on 9/11 resonated with Shepperdson so much that he felt the need to support those directly impacted.
On April. 13, 2005, Shepperdson, then 25, enrolled in the Canadian Armed Forces with the hope that he would get to participate in the war on terror in Afghanistan. He was assigned to the Royal Canadian Air Force on numerous domestic and international deployments abroad.
In 2007, the Eastview Secondary School alumni received his deployment message to go to Afghanistan, but was held back due to his young daughter developing a respiratory stress virus.
Shepperdson was deployed on the next rotation to the United Arab Emirates, the staging ground between Canada and Afghanistan, but was never sent into combat.
“At that time, I felt like I had let my cause down,” he explained. “I felt like I had disappointed the people that I stood up for.”
Shepperdson was stationed in Dubai where he supported the joint task force Afghanistan Middle East mission. He served as a traffic technician and would service, load, and unload aircraft.
“I definitely feel that I contributed and fulfilled that part for sure,” he said.
While Shepperdson describes the environment as surreal, he says all military personnel overseas had a sense of camaraderie and pride in knowing that what they were doing was helping to fight the war on terror.
“We would discuss and support each other the best way we could within our environment,” he recalls. “It wasn’t always a happy environment but the reasons we were there were always prevalent and at the forefront for us.”
The war on terror lasted nearly two decades and millions were killed as a result. Since the U.S. pulled troops out of Afghanistan in 2021, the Taliban have returned to power in the war-torn country.
While Shepperdson believes the war “definitely helped” and allied troops made a difference in the Middle East, the overall result is hard to swallow.
“There were sacrifices made and people who didn’t come home on both sides,” he said. “I believe that it’s wrong for them (the Taliban) to regain control over the population, and I don’t know how much change has remained since the end.”
Shepperdson says it’s hard to say the war on terror wasn’t worth the fight.
“That would discredit what everybody has sacrificed themselves by and what they live with today,” he said. “It’s hard.”
After serving the Canadian military for nearly a decade, Shepperdson said he made plenty of sacrifices.
Because of injuries caused by loading aircrafts overseas, Shepperdson has a severe neck injury that requires him to wear a soft-collared neck brace daily. He also underwent an operation to repair his lower back.
“I’m suffering chronic pain daily,” he said. “Pain thresholds are always just above mid to maximum for me.”
Shepperdson sometimes loses sensation in one of his hands which causes him to drop things on occasion. He also suffers from uncontrollable muscle spasms in his shoulder through his neck, intense migraines, and constantly cramped legs.
“It’s hard to walk and hard to move around,” he said. “I need frequent breaks, I need to change my position often. I need to go from lying down, to sitting, to moving, and any which of those I can’t do for very long otherwise my muscles just kind of go crazy.”
Shepperdson also has some “substantial” mental health setbacks including major depressive disorder, high anxiety, social anxiety, and PTSD that stem from his time in the service.
“I was basically moving the troops or sometimes removing the results of combat,” he explained. “Whether that was damaged vehicles or repatriation ceremonies, I was kind of doing those indirect kind of things.
“Those are things I live with daily and struggle with daily,” he said. “I try not to let it regulate me.”
After he retired from the service, Shepperdson briefly lived in Alberta where he became homeless in 2017 because of his physical and mental injuries.
“I had two options, one being the obvious, give up, or two, go home and fight,” he recalls thinking to himself. “That fight was for my future, a life that involved my children, my health requirements (disabilities), therapy, doctors, fix my taxes, and find healthy relationships or maintain no relationships at all.”
Vets Canada helped Shepperdson off the streets and he moved to Orillia where he said he was well supported by the community. Veterans Affairs set him up with specialists at Orillia Synergy Healthcare and the Simcoe Trauma Recovery Center in Barrie.
The Orillia Legion Branch 34 helped him get his damaged teeth fixed, they provided him with food, and a special gift basket at Christmas each year.
“My stability was never my endeavour alone, it was a team effort,” Shepperdson explained. “There is light upon the shadow; everyone’s battle is important, recovery is never too late, and we do not need to struggle or go through it alone.”
Shepperdson’s most invaluable support system on his long road to recovery has been his girlfriend of three years.
“My partner has been so brave, loving, supportive, kind and understanding of my disabilities,” he said. “She's accepted me for who I am, and has decided to join me on that journey, knowing full well I'm not one hundred percent or well.”
Shepperdson says he is grateful for all his sources of support, and he’s proud of himself for having the bravery to try to overcome his difficulties.
“I was a shell for a very long time, accepting nothing and rejecting even more,” he said. “I never fully understood why, that was until I truly faced myself and began treatment."
Shepperdson, now 45, says there is still beauty in life to be found and shared despite the tragedy that has surrounded him since 9/11. He’s found that beauty through the art of photography.
Shepperdson loves to find easily walkable trails where he can sit near nature or a waterfront where he can capture the world through a different lens than the one he looked through overseas.
“That’s kind of how I coped,” he said. “There is the obvious medical side of things with medications and treatments, but that’s not really what I used as a coping mechanism to reintegrate myself; that was my camera.”
Shepperdson’s message to others battling mental health challenges is to love yourself enough to maintain an understanding of when or if you think you may require help or ongoing support.
“Reach out and don’t be afraid or ashamed of that action — it's a brave step you'll be proud of one day,” he said. “It takes courage, but the reward is quite literally the best days of one’s life.”
Shepperdson has four children including a 25-year-old son who is an artillery gunner with the Canadian Armed Forces.
“I’m obviously elated that he has put on that uniform,” he said. “It would be great if I had something to do with that, but if not, it’s still great.”
“He’s a smart young man with a lot of heart, passion, and soul for the right things. I’m definitely proud of him.”
Despite the physical and mental challenges he faces today, Shepperdson has a great sense of pride for his own service.
“I’m definitely proud that I was able to do my part and that I was trusted enough to put on that uniform for our country,” he said. “The pride and satisfaction in accomplishing that service is something that will remain with me forever.”
The seven-year Orillia resident who moved back to Alberta last year, still has the newspaper clippings that drove him to join the military post 9/11. Each year, on Sept. 11, Shepperdson takes some time to reflect on his journey and how that day changed his course of life.
“The reason why I did it never leaves or eludes my thought process,” he said. “I reflect, and it’s usually a peaceful place I try to put myself into to be thankful that I was able to at least do my part.”
While Shepperdson admits he felt angry in the days and months post 9/11, those feelings were never his driving force.
“It was compassion for other people,” he said. “It was never retaliation, aggression, or wanting to get back at an enemy. It was about wanting to stand with people, and I approached it with dignity for them.”
Shepperdson hopes that one day he will have the opportunity to stand at the 9/11 Memorial Pools in New York City, the Flight 93 National Memorial in Pennsylvania, and the National 9/11 Pentagon Memorial in Arlington, Virginia to pay his respects to the people he served for.
“It’s always been there in the back of my mind,” he said. “I’ve almost visually projected myself to those sites to try to almost, in a sense, feel what that moment is like to say I’m sorry, and I’m here for you still.”
